Patchy ~2008, looking over the edge of a steep cliff. No fear

Sleep continues to remain elusive. I’m typing this at 3am. Patchy spent the last hour pacing and going in and out the back door. I finally resigned myself to not sleeping and gave her a second dinner, which clearly was her goal. Apparently meals are middle of the night now too.

I can’t really blame her. She eats so irregularly. She hardly ate anything Saturday, but i believe she had at least one bowl earlier today (Sunday). She binges and starves, binges and starves.

Out of desperation last week to prevent night accidents (and because amazon refused to leave a box of doggie diaper liners on my doorstep unattended, thus leaving me with none) I tried something new. I left the door open all night. It worked great, and the second night I slept great. The third night, I was eaten alive by mosquitoes. After a suggestion of a coworker, I’ve been leaving a fan on me at night to “prevent the mosquitoes being able to land”.  Seems to be working.

Other than the recent restless pacing, we’ve both been sleeping better. She goes outside when she needs to pee every couple hours, and my mind relaxes enough to get some quality sleep. Usually. It’s not perfect as tonight shows, but it’s workable.

We have our oncologist checkup on Wednesday. I hope for status quo or better. We just ordered a refill of her chemo drugs on Friday. We’ll be entering our second month soon. It’s hard for me to imagine a time beyond this with her. Seems like we’ve been diapering and cancering and senile for ages now. Realistically, only a few weeks (though months/a year for the senility). I find myself picturing a gap. Patchy is gone and all I have left are her old lady supplies. Oh Clover, I’m gonna need you so much.